Learning

We do not need to be in a structured class to learn, it may be helpful if you wish to become a doctor and be able to list every bone in your body, however we can learn through each and every experience we have. Most people who have broken a bone will be able to tell you a little about that bone.

We seem to learn most from our negative experiences, we learnt not to trust people too much when our primary school friend betrayed us, we learnt that we can survive a break up after our first one, when we weren’t so sure, and we learnt not to drink to excess after we made a fool of ourselves in front of all our work colleges.

perhaps we learn most from our negative experiences because we reflect on them more and have a deep desire not to repeat them over and over again. However we can also learn much from our positive experiences. We can learn how we like to enjoy ourselves, we can learn that we are supported and we have people we can depend on. Perhaps we could learn that for us each as individuals quiet time, bubble baths, slow time with nothing but cuddles or even adrenaline rushed sports help us to relax and that after enjoying whichever works for each of us, we can get into what we have to do with more energy or clarity and do it more efficiently.

We don’t need structure to learn, we don’t need life changing or major events in our lives either, we can learn more about ourselves and everything around us through everyday life.

Lessons and Growth

The lessons that life has to teach us through experience just about always seem to come too slow or too hard. The lessons we teach each other seem to do the same. If we are lucky we find ourselves at the start of our life within a loving family network that supports us and cares for us while we are incapable of doing it ourselves, if we are unlucky and do not have that luxury we rarely survive. Then after five years of being loved, finding our feet and learning what we can of this world we find ourselves in, we are tossed into school, where we learn the social skills that will continue to shape throughout our lives, we learn that bullies win, that people who claim to have authority can get people into trouble for what they do but can not stop it from happening to begin with, and we are forced to learn, in groups of twenty to thirty, learning has the fun taken out of it, and growing up seems even more urgent although it also seems less desirable somehow. From here we progress through many different life fazes with more differences between people’s life experience as we grow and shape our own, but those intense days of change shape the way we think of change for years to come, until those of us lucky to find our place in life and this world where we can continue to grow at our own pace in our own way in peace.

Normal

We draw what we call normal form what we class as different, weird or unusual, without this comparison there would be no cause for a normal, but what is it that makes us feel something is weird. Is it that we personally could not imagine doing such a thing or acting or thinking in such a way? Or is it that we could not even imagine the people around us acting in such a way? After all some what is normal food in some cultures would be considered very weird to other cultures, for example cannibalism would seem very unusual to most suburban peoples, but fast food would seem bizarre to a cannibal. This is a version of normal we gain through our surroundings and normally through childhood bassed upon what is common. There are other sorts of normal or not. Sometimes we find thing that define the majority of the people around us and still define them as not normal, such as having a mental illness, dysfunctional family, learning difficulties or sexual and or emotional intimate relationship problems, these things are usually classed as not being normal under the guise that they are not as common as they actually are because people do not like to own up to them and talk about them. People do not like to talk about them because they are seen as being weird or not normal.

Justice

There are many different ways to react when we feel we have been wronged, some of us accept it as a kind of karma for something we have done, (especially if we feel bad for something we have done recently) sometimes we just feel sad and cold, particularly if it was something emotional between friends, family or lovers, sometimes we feel angry, this anger can be directed at the world or god, particularly in wrongs that we could not have helped, such as when a young mother or a child is diagnosed with cancer, but sometimes we feel angry at the news bringer, such as the doctors, sometimes we feel angry at the person who has caused the wrong, such as the person who has destroyed our property. This is when justice is called for, but as this justice is born of anger we have to ask is this about revenge, about making us feel better that we are not the only ones hurt, about hurting those who have hurt us. Should justice be what we use to make the victim feel better? Should we keep them safe in their own minds or should we do our best to ensure that the injustice or wrong is righted as much as possible and does not occur again.

Learning The Hard Way

Not every traumatic incident will lead to a torrent of horror, as it seems it will at the time, if we handle the trauma well we may even incorporate a lesson or trait into our personality that will aid us in future, be it in another traumatic incident or recovery or general life. For example, as horrible as it may be to loose the life of a loved one, this trauma in itself may prompt us to increase our first aid knowledge which may save a or many lives in the future, or the breakdown of a relationship may lead us to look at what was wrong with the relationship, and fix it, or look for different traits in future potential partners. We may just learn that when everything goes completely off the rails, we can pick ourselves up, and move on and get things going right again, eventually, which may prove a very valuable lesson to have learnt the next time everything feels like it is falling to pieces.

It’s Never Over

Our past affects our present and future long after we have ‘let it go’ or ‘moved on’ or ‘recovered’. We may try to kid ourselves that all those traumatic things exist only in our pasts, that we have either forgiven the wrong doers or that justice has been served, and that that means they are over and done with. But weather we dwell on them or not, we can not deny that they have had their role in shaping us, weather they changed the way we think of ourselves and the world or weather they have mad us more caucus, less trusting, or more able to identify with people in need. The least they could have done is allow us to arrive where we find ourselves today, with the knowledge we possess, the people and personalities we now know, and the physical place at which we reside, where we find ours today is linked in to everything we ever were and everything we have ever been through. Where we find ourselves in the future will be the result of all of that and what happens today, what happens to and around us and how we react to it.

Volunteering

Giving up our time and recourses for others is greatly beneficial for both the people we help, society and ourselves. While many people think that giving our money to a good cause is the most effective help, we can give so much more through helping with causes that may not be as big of an issue and are probably much closer to home. This is not because we do a greater deed in person but because we know how we are helping, and the people who are being helped know that someone cares. Although the benefits of helping in person may not be as measurable as giving to charity, it is more beneficial for our feelings and theirs. When we can see the appreciation of a person we have helped, we feel special, we Know we have made a difference, if not to the world, then to that person, and we know it really means something to them. This is a feeling that all of us should be feeling, it is something not as grandous or lasting as do-good-ers would have us believe, but on some level it is essential to our emotional health. Giving on a scale where we can barely even feel this can still be essential for those receiving, simply having someone offer to make you a cup of tea when you are not expecting it can greatly lift our mood, especially if we are feeling somewhat down at the time. Even the offer of a persons company can be greatly appreciated and make a real change to someone’s day, even someone’s life.

Christmas

What is Christmas really about these years? Is it still a religious celebration, only to be celebrated by religious folk (or people who used to be religious and now only participate in the religious community a few times a year.) Is it a commercial celebration started from a religious tradition and taken on by shops as an aid to sell products that we would never buy for ourselves. Is it a time of the year where we shock the kids and celebrate their innocence by giving them gifts from Santa, without taking credit for their new found toys and joy. Is it a celebration of the giving spirit, of getting a good feeling for ourselves from the appreciation of what we have given to others, be it our presents or our time volunteering (volunteers peek around and on Christmas although they are needed all year round.) Is it a time to celebrate family and community, of catching up with the people who share our blood who we see no other time of year, of having fights and of sharing stories, and of being everything a community is together or noticeably missing with a gap where one should be. Whatever Christmas is for each of us, be it joyous of depressing, it is a day that does not pass unnoticed.