Sheltered

We are sheltered creatures, all of us, though we rarely like to admit it. On those occasions that we hear of dreadful or even just unexplainable things, we know that they are much more frequent than we hear of. But we ignore this, and Monday morning we still manage to feel hard done because we have to get up and go to work. We feel bored within our usual surroundings, yet we choose never to explore them. Even those of us who have experienced tragedy or great injustice first hand can be sheltered, regularly not recognising just how common these circumstances are. We may hear the statistics and acknowledge how many of our peers, friends colleges, classmates, the people that surround us constantly are statistically in the same boat. But we don’t see it in them, we just see them as “they always were, not perfect but better than my life they don’t have MY problems.” We can sometimes even imagine “what would they do if they did have my problems” without even realising that they may have the same ones, or ones just as consuming. Although for those who seem even more sheltered, those that couldn’t even imagine ‘real’ problems, “what do their problems feel like to them?” what would it feel like to really feel that ones life had been ruined because of a test mark well above average that was ‘too low’, in a test that can be sat again. Such stress in everyday situations how would we face the world, if we could not even be seen in a shopping mall until our eyebrows were perfectly thin, and even. Would such importance on such trivial things take our mind off our real problems, or just make it harder to deal with each and every little thing that comes across our path? Could any of us, those with real intense issues and those of us that get wound up over nothing (and the real rarities who chill in all situations) ever properly understand each other?

Choices and Outcomes

The choices we make today (or when we were twelve) can affect the rest of our lives. But we never know how they will do it until it is done. Perhaps we stay at the party and have a few drinks, or perhaps we are tired and just say hello and go home, perhaps we damage a friendship and need to repair the feelings of rejection or perhaps our drink gets spiked and we find ourselves in hospital the next morning not being able to remember anything hoping that we were not raped, and then we never trust anyone again, not a friend (to watch a drink) or a stranger or a police officer. Or we may have slept in and avoided being involved in a five car pile up on the way to work but we may never know because we were not there to swerve away from the truck that didn’t indicate changing lanes and hit the other car, so it never even happened.

Bludging

It is so much more enjoyable doing nothing when we know that there are things to be done, to sleep in, to watch TV when nothing is on, to sit and slowly eat breakfast at one pm is so much more enjoyable when we are chucking a sickie than it is when we have no job to go to, even if that is by choice too. We sit at the computer and play solitaire at work, when we would not bother with such boring activities during our spare time, even though we could be doing something more traditionally fun with ourselves whilst still bludging at work, but playing solitaire is fun while there is some filing to be done. When we play solitaire and wait for the phone to ring, it isn’t so fun, it’s more just something to fill time. It’s the alternative that makes it attractive, along with the knowledge that we are not supposed to be doing it, its that little bit rebellious, that spikes us up and this knowledge that after some time bludging with nothing to do, will motivate us, to go and find something that we should be doing so that we can not do it, and actually enjoy not doing it the way we should.

Facing Death

Death is one of those things we each react differently to. At least our own death is, in all respects we react differently to the thought of it, when it actually happens every one of us dies, same as what everyone else does. Facing death can bring about all kinds of feelings, feelings of adrenaline, the thrill of staying alive, and the all out knowledge that you are alive, and mortal, that you can and will die, but not yet. At least that’s what it’s like when we go chasing it, in car chases, or thrill seeking bungy jumps. But when we go looking for it, with the hope that it will end all the bad things in our life, all our troubles temporary or permanent, in reality or in our own perception, it feels different. What seems to be more shocking is when we see those closest to us seeking this escape. Their lives often seem so much more important to us than our own do. And facing their death seems so much more difficult, after all, at the event of our own, we will be dead.