Learning

We do not need to be in a structured class to learn, it may be helpful if you wish to become a doctor and be able to list every bone in your body, however we can learn through each and every experience we have. Most people who have broken a bone will be able to tell you a little about that bone.

We seem to learn most from our negative experiences, we learnt not to trust people too much when our primary school friend betrayed us, we learnt that we can survive a break up after our first one, when we weren’t so sure, and we learnt not to drink to excess after we made a fool of ourselves in front of all our work colleges.

perhaps we learn most from our negative experiences because we reflect on them more and have a deep desire not to repeat them over and over again. However we can also learn much from our positive experiences. We can learn how we like to enjoy ourselves, we can learn that we are supported and we have people we can depend on. Perhaps we could learn that for us each as individuals quiet time, bubble baths, slow time with nothing but cuddles or even adrenaline rushed sports help us to relax and that after enjoying whichever works for each of us, we can get into what we have to do with more energy or clarity and do it more efficiently.

We don’t need structure to learn, we don’t need life changing or major events in our lives either, we can learn more about ourselves and everything around us through everyday life.

Lessons and Growth

The lessons that life has to teach us through experience just about always seem to come too slow or too hard. The lessons we teach each other seem to do the same. If we are lucky we find ourselves at the start of our life within a loving family network that supports us and cares for us while we are incapable of doing it ourselves, if we are unlucky and do not have that luxury we rarely survive. Then after five years of being loved, finding our feet and learning what we can of this world we find ourselves in, we are tossed into school, where we learn the social skills that will continue to shape throughout our lives, we learn that bullies win, that people who claim to have authority can get people into trouble for what they do but can not stop it from happening to begin with, and we are forced to learn, in groups of twenty to thirty, learning has the fun taken out of it, and growing up seems even more urgent although it also seems less desirable somehow. From here we progress through many different life fazes with more differences between people’s life experience as we grow and shape our own, but those intense days of change shape the way we think of change for years to come, until those of us lucky to find our place in life and this world where we can continue to grow at our own pace in our own way in peace.

Normal

We draw what we call normal form what we class as different, weird or unusual, without this comparison there would be no cause for a normal, but what is it that makes us feel something is weird. Is it that we personally could not imagine doing such a thing or acting or thinking in such a way? Or is it that we could not even imagine the people around us acting in such a way? After all some what is normal food in some cultures would be considered very weird to other cultures, for example cannibalism would seem very unusual to most suburban peoples, but fast food would seem bizarre to a cannibal. This is a version of normal we gain through our surroundings and normally through childhood bassed upon what is common. There are other sorts of normal or not. Sometimes we find thing that define the majority of the people around us and still define them as not normal, such as having a mental illness, dysfunctional family, learning difficulties or sexual and or emotional intimate relationship problems, these things are usually classed as not being normal under the guise that they are not as common as they actually are because people do not like to own up to them and talk about them. People do not like to talk about them because they are seen as being weird or not normal.

Justice

There are many different ways to react when we feel we have been wronged, some of us accept it as a kind of karma for something we have done, (especially if we feel bad for something we have done recently) sometimes we just feel sad and cold, particularly if it was something emotional between friends, family or lovers, sometimes we feel angry, this anger can be directed at the world or god, particularly in wrongs that we could not have helped, such as when a young mother or a child is diagnosed with cancer, but sometimes we feel angry at the news bringer, such as the doctors, sometimes we feel angry at the person who has caused the wrong, such as the person who has destroyed our property. This is when justice is called for, but as this justice is born of anger we have to ask is this about revenge, about making us feel better that we are not the only ones hurt, about hurting those who have hurt us. Should justice be what we use to make the victim feel better? Should we keep them safe in their own minds or should we do our best to ensure that the injustice or wrong is righted as much as possible and does not occur again.

Learning The Hard Way

Not every traumatic incident will lead to a torrent of horror, as it seems it will at the time, if we handle the trauma well we may even incorporate a lesson or trait into our personality that will aid us in future, be it in another traumatic incident or recovery or general life. For example, as horrible as it may be to loose the life of a loved one, this trauma in itself may prompt us to increase our first aid knowledge which may save a or many lives in the future, or the breakdown of a relationship may lead us to look at what was wrong with the relationship, and fix it, or look for different traits in future potential partners. We may just learn that when everything goes completely off the rails, we can pick ourselves up, and move on and get things going right again, eventually, which may prove a very valuable lesson to have learnt the next time everything feels like it is falling to pieces.

It’s Never Over

Our past affects our present and future long after we have ‘let it go’ or ‘moved on’ or ‘recovered’. We may try to kid ourselves that all those traumatic things exist only in our pasts, that we have either forgiven the wrong doers or that justice has been served, and that that means they are over and done with. But weather we dwell on them or not, we can not deny that they have had their role in shaping us, weather they changed the way we think of ourselves and the world or weather they have mad us more caucus, less trusting, or more able to identify with people in need. The least they could have done is allow us to arrive where we find ourselves today, with the knowledge we possess, the people and personalities we now know, and the physical place at which we reside, where we find ours today is linked in to everything we ever were and everything we have ever been through. Where we find ourselves in the future will be the result of all of that and what happens today, what happens to and around us and how we react to it.

Volunteering

Giving up our time and recourses for others is greatly beneficial for both the people we help, society and ourselves. While many people think that giving our money to a good cause is the most effective help, we can give so much more through helping with causes that may not be as big of an issue and are probably much closer to home. This is not because we do a greater deed in person but because we know how we are helping, and the people who are being helped know that someone cares. Although the benefits of helping in person may not be as measurable as giving to charity, it is more beneficial for our feelings and theirs. When we can see the appreciation of a person we have helped, we feel special, we Know we have made a difference, if not to the world, then to that person, and we know it really means something to them. This is a feeling that all of us should be feeling, it is something not as grandous or lasting as do-good-ers would have us believe, but on some level it is essential to our emotional health. Giving on a scale where we can barely even feel this can still be essential for those receiving, simply having someone offer to make you a cup of tea when you are not expecting it can greatly lift our mood, especially if we are feeling somewhat down at the time. Even the offer of a persons company can be greatly appreciated and make a real change to someone’s day, even someone’s life.

Christmas

What is Christmas really about these years? Is it still a religious celebration, only to be celebrated by religious folk (or people who used to be religious and now only participate in the religious community a few times a year.) Is it a commercial celebration started from a religious tradition and taken on by shops as an aid to sell products that we would never buy for ourselves. Is it a time of the year where we shock the kids and celebrate their innocence by giving them gifts from Santa, without taking credit for their new found toys and joy. Is it a celebration of the giving spirit, of getting a good feeling for ourselves from the appreciation of what we have given to others, be it our presents or our time volunteering (volunteers peek around and on Christmas although they are needed all year round.) Is it a time to celebrate family and community, of catching up with the people who share our blood who we see no other time of year, of having fights and of sharing stories, and of being everything a community is together or noticeably missing with a gap where one should be. Whatever Christmas is for each of us, be it joyous of depressing, it is a day that does not pass unnoticed.

Impact

The impact of any society effected change could never be properly measured because the impact of anything on society is the human impact the impact it has on millions of individuals. The real impact of a war is the impact of the amount of families that are grieving over lost loved ones. We can put a number to the dead, but we can not measure the grief, to try to measure grief, would be to try to compair grief, and would be insulting to all who feel it. The impact of giving people access to health care could be measured in the money it costs to do so, but that is undermining the importance of that care to the people who it has helped, the real value of it is in the way it has changed their lives, and trying to measure quality of life or compair it in any terms other than better or worse undermines the importance it holds for the person living that life.
We like to try to measure everything, so we can say we did the best we could with what we had, and so that we can prove it, to ourselves, and to everyone involved. But all the human feelings, to things we effect, the way we really have an impact on each other, can not be measured or compared. We do not have to prove to people involved what we have done, they already know, their feelings are strong. We don't need a way to measure it. Good or bad they know, and by seeing these people as individuals with lives and feelings we'll know it too.

Everything Stays The Same

Everything changes but everything also stays the same. We vote in elections for government, we have a new leader, but we have the same system, the same groups of people in different numbers and names making very simular decisions. Sometimes signifigant permanant changes are made by them, but the system they work on with and through stays the same. The society we live in stays the same throughout history, shops open and close, people gain and loose jobs, but we still live in a society that works through us gaining money through work or trade to swap for things we want. Music may have changed through rock, rap, dance, grunge, tecno, folk, and a million more, but from the ninteen thirties and probably earlier young people have always played whatever type of music they like much louder than old people would like. illegal drugs are confiscated, corrupt police are investigated and fired, but there are still junkies looking for and finding high's and kid's being sold or given recreational drugs at parties and clubs. We have anti discrimination work laws, so all races, religions and people of all levels of mental health are given jobs, but we still do not treat all of us as equals. We have the medicine and technology to cure many illnesses, but there are many ilnesses that we remain unable to cure, and many people who are never treated for their cureable ilnesses. We are simple humans these are only a few of the things we have created and adjusted to. Our way of life, is acepted as normal to us, everything we see around us in society, has alway's been there, so we asume it always will, and we have made ourselves comfortable in that.

Everything Changes

Everything is always changing, we vote for it in elections, we search for it in job's and we make it ourselves every now and then in our housing decorations and our dinner menu's. The larger of these brings about what we see as a better way of life, a permanent change in the right direction. The smaller of these bring about a little excitement keeping things new and fun. We see these changes as good, yet we expect them, we have a preparation period where we decide who to vote for, what job we want, what furniture or food to purchase. We have this time to prepare for the change and the decision for this change or how this change will work is at least in part decided by us. This allows us to feel comfortable about this change. When we are shocked by change, especially when it is not our choice, we can find ourselves quite disturbed even by tiny temporary changes. Changes like the local coffee shop having run out of full cream or lite milk, having to drink what is not our normal preference or having to walk a little further to get our preferred cup of coffee can play on our mind all day, it can put us on edge and make it much easier for people to annoy us.
Nothing is certain, anything could happen, we know that things always change, we have come to accept that the people we work with will come and go changing jobs, buildings will be knocked down and built again, that our friends will become pregnate, have children and extend their families, governments and the rules that come with them will change, but we are thrown into shock when the almost insignificant daily routine we follow is disrupted only slightly just this once.

Secrets

There is something about secrets that makes us curious, some sort of mystery, the knowledge that we can not know it or should not know it grabs our attention and soon we find ourselves taking peeks, attempting to uncover what we do not know. Peeks, at what is going on next door, disappointed although relieved to find it is just the TV not a domestic violence scene. Peeks at celebrities in magazines, trying to hide the normal parts of their lives. it can't be that hard to get attention when all we have to do is hide from it. There is a thriving market of the sneak preview, but does it go as far as people being able to sell us the stories of normal people, can they make money off us selling us each others lives (as facebook retains the rights to.) or would we grow bored of peeking at people we do not know, as many of us have grown bored with looking at what our friends allow us to, would we stop looking at their pictures the way we have done for the pictures of the parties we did not attend.

All or nothing

There are so many ways of approaching the things we want to do and achieve and get done. While the healthiest way to have a go at anything is to try and give it a rest and try it again, the most efficient way is to go all out. To give it everything you’ve got, to pick up a guitar for the first time and say ‘in three weeks I will be able to perform this new song I heard on the radio, at a party’, and then to go for it, to neglect the other aspects of life and put it before everything. This is not commonly considered healthy or recommendable because the other aspects of life that get pushed into the background and ignored and neglected can be important like tests or vital like eating. After all as much as we want to get good at something fast, or get something done fast, we do not want to end up like the person who starved to death because they did not stop playing world of warcraft. We want to get good at it, but we still want to work and socialise and everything else. What we need to consider is wether in this circumstance how efficient do we need to be, and how much of a priority do we make it. Do we give it two hours a day to be top priority or do we just do it as we have the time, or do we go all out and not eat for three days? Do we risk being hospitalised over this?

Giving up

Most of the time when we give up, we are really just putting things on hold, even though we do not realize it at the time. The things we give up on, be it education, boys/girls, jobs, location, sport, anything other than our life itself, will most likely be revisited in a new environment when we are ready and prepared to take it on. Even life itself takes on this trait of becoming worthwhile some time after we have given up on it, so long as it is still there. There is so much that can seem unattainable, at this point in time and forever, that the future reveals to us, as simple and easily achievable. There are many people that have come out of jail and made a great life for themselves, and there are many people who had a traumatic childhood who now have a great lifestyle full of love and joy with all they could have wanted and all they believed they could never have, and there are plenty of entirely talentless actresses and other creative professionals who have made it to the big time proving that anyone can do anything.

Work and Respect

So much of our time is spent working that it becomes a sort of identity for us. It becomes who we are, we can sometimes find ourselves thinking in ways that relate to our jobs. And when we meet someone for the first time, it is not uncommon for them to ask “what do you do?” and not only is it accepted that we understand that they are asking about our job and not the way we cook or watch TV or play sport, it is also acceptable that they make small but significant assumptions about our personality and who we are based around what we do to make money. While these assumptions may be true in some cases, they are generalizations. While we may spend a significant part of our time working, particularly if we work full time, our job does not define who we are, or how we interact with the world. While we try to choose a job that suits who we are, the reality is that many of us just fall into the positions, we do what our parents did, or we do what we got the marks to do, or we do that job that we just happened to be offered when we were between jobs. All in all most people work so that they may have money, and they are not bankers, or cleaners, or teachers, or doctors or train drivers, they are all just people.

Individuality and Conformity

We strive for individuality, yet we do so much to achieve conformity. We long to be ourselves, separate from everybody else, yet we long to be accepted and to belong. Belonging is difficult. While it seems to be learnt through high school, when people become gangsters or emo’s or popular bulimic or sporty jock or looser, and transformed through the workforce, where people become, secretary, cleaner, tradesman, apprentice, boss, office slave or looser. Throughout its lifetime belonging holds an unusual mix of conformity and separation. It needs its groups and differences otherwise we would have nothing to conform with and belong to. If the gangsters and the emo’s got along, there would be an outcry from both sides, because belonging to a select group, requires people that don’t belong. If everyone belonged, it wouldn’t feel so special. But if there was no one else just like us, we would feel alone, we would be outcast, by everyone, we would be the looser. Or become so famous, that we start the trend, and we are no longer alone or outcast, we become just like everyone else, because they would be like us.

Jobs and purpose

There has been many complaints by employers that people, the young generation especially, but all of us, are not being loyal to the company we work for. Many of us are sifting through job after job, trying to find one that suits us just right. Although to most of us it is obvious that if the work place were more loyal to us we would not seek other employment. If that job we had at a fast food place when we were in high school offered to pay us at a rate that we could live very comfortably on, we would have stayed much longer. And if they had offered a percentage of their profits, well, even a tiny percent would be millions. But they always like to keep that money for someone else. So we move on, although a great many of us would have moved on anyway, in the search for something more. Something that made us feel useful. Perhaps we should not blame all the companies of the jobs we had to quit because the money and conditions were crap. We should thank them for helping us to move on to greater things. Naturally we would if we knew what those greater things were, if we were able to feel like we accomplished something, like we have a purpose, but we are still looking.

Stuff Sickness

We spend so much time and effort trying to get money. Money to spend on a 'good' time. (translates as drugs) Going out on the weekend takes up almost all that we work for, and what do we have to show for it? A hangover? Some foggy memories with the feeling that we enjoyed whatever it was that we did? Hepatitis?
Admittedly most of our money does go towards rent or mortgage and food. Both of which are useful. It is the rest that disappears. We drink it, or spend it getting into places with flashing lights and loud noises, or we buy useless junk with it. It sometimes seems to become a competition of i can accumulate more junk than you. Or my junk is more expensive than your junk. We have flash mobile phones that we call and text each other on, but they could be used as a GPS if we wanted or a MP3 player if it didn't waste the battery, we buy flat screen TVs and play station games, we sometimes play when we are bored, when we have time, when we are not working. We buy flash jackets, brand name clothes and turbo cars. We can get so immersed in this competition, that it becomes a lifestyle, a goal to give us something to achieve with the fake sense that when we win we will be happy, we forget that it is just a game, and that we can never win. We sometimes even forget that we don't need to win, that we are capable of being happy, and feeling good, when we make enough to eat, to stay somewhere, and have some time to go surfing or bush walking or just to chill with mates. We can be satisfied with the simple life, we are capable of so much more when we stop wasting our time in clubs where we cant even hear each other and socialize in each others company. We are generally happier not with our stuff, but with our mates.

Poverty

How do we decide what poverty is? Is it the people in third world counties, who can't afford to eat good food? Is it only the people who are held on the brink of death where money would hold certain life or does it extend to people in our own country? People on the streets, or people who have to borrow money for lunch two days before payday, or people who have to take a calculator with them to find out what groceries they can afford before they get to the checkout? Or does it depend on how much money we have? As a person or a community average? Are the people who have to search through their shrapnel to buy a beer poor while we can pull a note from our wallet and rich while we have to forgo the drink? Is the kid with second hand books at the private school poor at school for having cheaper goods and rich in their community for going to a private school? and more so, in these times of economic struggle, can we actually say that nuns sworn to live in poverty are in poverty, when they have joint ownership of vast quantities of land? something even the higher income earners in our society are struggling to obtain. Can anyone who is capable of affording luxuries (things not directly relevant to our survival) claim to be living in poverty?

Blame and Guilt

Guilt is what we feel when we are to blame for something that we feel to be wrong or damaging or to have hurt someone in someway, weather it be physically, mentally or emotionally, so why is it that so many of us feel guilt when we are not to blame. There are many examples in which we may blame ourselves although no one else blames us, or even when we know that what went wrong was not our fault.
Sometimes we can feel guilty about things that we could not have stopped, that were totally outside of our control, like when a loved one falls sick and is hospitalised.
Sometimes we can blame ourselves for things that perhaps we could have prevented but we could not have realized until they had happened. Perhaps if we had not parked in the street, the car would not have been broken into, perhaps if i had payed a bit more for that condom it might not have broken.
The things that many of us feel the most guilt for, with the least reason to feel guilty for are the things that we may have been able to prevent, but if we had known how to we would have diffidently done it without any hesitance or resistance. The thought that 'perhaps if i had eaten better i would not have had that miscarriage and my baby would still be alive', does not make it our fault in fact it means that it is most diffidently not, for if we had known that from the start we would have done that and it would not have happened at all. The same goes for the thought that perhaps 'if we had listened to him he would not have killed himself and would still be here', if we know, that we would have done that if we had only known, then it could not possibly be our fault. If we were capable of changing what has happened we would have done it, so we can not be to blame for it. This knowledge should be enough for us not to feel guilt, but it normally takes more than reality and facts to change our feelings. Sometimes our feelings make us feel guilty even though we are not to blame.

Listening

Being listened to doesn't seem all that important to us until it doesn't happen. We think that we can live independently, without others, if we are alright with our own company, or we tend to believe that having friends and family, who we can share time with and talk with is enough, especially if they care about us, help us enjoy our time and keep us safe or help us out when we need it. However we also need people who will listen to us, not in the psychiatrist way of let us spill all of our problems, just in a friend way, of not cutting us off about something totally unrelated while we are telling them a story, of responding to it appropriately, and giving us some attention.
We rarely ever notice that we need this until we are deprived of it. While we have one friend who loves to hear about the tiny adventures that occur in our day to day lives, we can be content with being talked over by other friends. Perhaps this is why so many of us talk over each other without ever actually listening to what the people around us have to say. Perhaps we forget or never realize how frustrating it could be for them to be talked over, or to be only vaguely involved in conversation.
We should not only realize this but try to remember it when someone is talking to us, when we find ourselves getting distracted by the junk in our minds. We must try to pay attention, to what they are saying, and to what they actually mean. (We may not realize just what it will mean to them.)

Chocolate

Chocolate holds the truth that all good things are limited, and that they need to be for our health and wellbeing, actually all things are limited, its just that we never try to stretch and see what we can get, how much of a bad thing we can get. The people among us who wanted to know how much pain they could take and were actually willing to try it have found the point they pass out at. The rest of us are just glad to know that if we do ever get into a situation that pushes that, we will pass out. We still hope it never happens. Chocolate also shows that about all things have a good side and a bad side for it is tasty, but will make people fat and give people diabetes, much as many a good time is had whilst drunk (most of them with friends) but few good times are had whilst hung over. At least they are not good for they person who is hung-over, there is no denying that their self inflicted suffering can be quite amusing for those who are not suffering.

Drugs

Most of us use drugs, for the effect they give us. Most of us being the ‘work force’ that is people who work to get the money they need to live (or to live in the style they enjoy). The drugs we use are not the drugs of typical junkies (although we may feel we need the hit and effect just as much). The effect we are after is not a depressant one, or a hallucinogenic one, we need the pick me up effect. We need that caffeine hit, our morning coffee or that boost we get from an energy drink. We do this so that we can concentrate properly, not faze out, get that report done, stay alert and awake on that constructions site, or that long drive. These legal drugs seem to give us the hit we need to do this (except in the cases of people who take their kids adhd meds) but does the fact that we seem to need these drugs just to make it through the regular structure of our everyday lives, indicate simply that our lives are too overladed, that we should take a break, a detox from our drugs and the lives we lead that make us need them?

Friends

Friends are something too special to be measured with numbers, friends are the people who enjoy spending time with us, who like our company, who care about us, real friends are a gift to be grateful for, especially if they are there for us when we need them, they are a luxury we can not live without, all though they are a luxury not all of us possess. They can be lost, they can be fought with and they can be gained, mostly they ort to be treasured (so long as they are good true friends and not backstabbing bitches) the numbers in the boxes may make us feel special for a little, they may reassure us that all is well in times of doubt. But they hardly compare to a night out, or a accompanied bike ride, or even just a lift home, or knowing that there is someone there, wherever they are, even if it is the other side of the world, that we can go to, and spill our heart to, that will listen and (at least sort of) understand.

Anonymity

Anonymity is one thing that the web gives us, or appears to give us, anyone can feel as though they can say what they want, because no one can catch them, we can tell someone on msn that we are a supermodel or the centrefold of the latest playboy mag, of corse they probably are not stupid enough to believe it, but then again, there are a lot of stupid people out there, and in all reality, the latest centrefold would use the internet, and have msn and a myspace page somewhere. But we are not as anonymous as we seem to be. We have ip addresses, spyware pretend anti virus viruses, internet governing bodies, and only a few cables linking countries internets that can be tapped, wireless connections that armature children hack into. We leave ourselves pray, posting online, revealing ourselves for who we are, or who we would like to be, sometimes just who we want others to think we are. But for all our pretend even given the fact that our international myspace ‘friends’ will never know who we really are, there are hints and personality traits that show through that some people can pick up on in even a fake internet personality. It is when we scare ourselves with who our internet personality has become that we may need to give it a rest, and just be ourselves, without the ip address, with the raised eyebrows understood, and that worried look, like a beginner ice addict with sunken eyes gets noticed, where what we say and do has consequences (other than the number in the friends box), where we laugh out loud rather than lol and if its something really funny our stomach hurts from it.

Starting conversation

It seems so much easier (especially on the web) to start an argument rather than a conversation. It seems that whatever point we raise or even question we ask, someone somewhere will want to not only disagree to, but want to argue with. We can not seem to just ask people for their opinions anymore because someone (especially within forums) will want to argue with it, is it so hard to accept that we are all different, we all think and feel different things, yet we do all think, and we do all feel. Have we forgotten those things we learnt as kids the first time we realised that our parents were wrong about something, that nobody is right all of the time, and nobody is wrong all of the time. Although learning it as a child was somewhat more interesting, going from thinking that the world was completely understandable and that we just didn’t have the knowledge or ability to understand it all yet, to understanding that the world was very complicated and full of contradictions. That realization that the people we trust do not know everything, that we will most likely never know everything, for some reason we found this shocking and some of us were even scared. We should have been excited, we should have known, that never being able to know everything means that there will always be something new to explore. It aught to stop us from being bored, it ort to engage us in conversation, to help each other find out what is real (not to fight to prove that we are right) and to enjoy the adventure along the way.

Sheltered

We are sheltered creatures, all of us, though we rarely like to admit it. On those occasions that we hear of dreadful or even just unexplainable things, we know that they are much more frequent than we hear of. But we ignore this, and Monday morning we still manage to feel hard done because we have to get up and go to work. We feel bored within our usual surroundings, yet we choose never to explore them. Even those of us who have experienced tragedy or great injustice first hand can be sheltered, regularly not recognising just how common these circumstances are. We may hear the statistics and acknowledge how many of our peers, friends colleges, classmates, the people that surround us constantly are statistically in the same boat. But we don’t see it in them, we just see them as “they always were, not perfect but better than my life they don’t have MY problems.” We can sometimes even imagine “what would they do if they did have my problems” without even realising that they may have the same ones, or ones just as consuming. Although for those who seem even more sheltered, those that couldn’t even imagine ‘real’ problems, “what do their problems feel like to them?” what would it feel like to really feel that ones life had been ruined because of a test mark well above average that was ‘too low’, in a test that can be sat again. Such stress in everyday situations how would we face the world, if we could not even be seen in a shopping mall until our eyebrows were perfectly thin, and even. Would such importance on such trivial things take our mind off our real problems, or just make it harder to deal with each and every little thing that comes across our path? Could any of us, those with real intense issues and those of us that get wound up over nothing (and the real rarities who chill in all situations) ever properly understand each other?

Choices and Outcomes

The choices we make today (or when we were twelve) can affect the rest of our lives. But we never know how they will do it until it is done. Perhaps we stay at the party and have a few drinks, or perhaps we are tired and just say hello and go home, perhaps we damage a friendship and need to repair the feelings of rejection or perhaps our drink gets spiked and we find ourselves in hospital the next morning not being able to remember anything hoping that we were not raped, and then we never trust anyone again, not a friend (to watch a drink) or a stranger or a police officer. Or we may have slept in and avoided being involved in a five car pile up on the way to work but we may never know because we were not there to swerve away from the truck that didn’t indicate changing lanes and hit the other car, so it never even happened.

Bludging

It is so much more enjoyable doing nothing when we know that there are things to be done, to sleep in, to watch TV when nothing is on, to sit and slowly eat breakfast at one pm is so much more enjoyable when we are chucking a sickie than it is when we have no job to go to, even if that is by choice too. We sit at the computer and play solitaire at work, when we would not bother with such boring activities during our spare time, even though we could be doing something more traditionally fun with ourselves whilst still bludging at work, but playing solitaire is fun while there is some filing to be done. When we play solitaire and wait for the phone to ring, it isn’t so fun, it’s more just something to fill time. It’s the alternative that makes it attractive, along with the knowledge that we are not supposed to be doing it, its that little bit rebellious, that spikes us up and this knowledge that after some time bludging with nothing to do, will motivate us, to go and find something that we should be doing so that we can not do it, and actually enjoy not doing it the way we should.

Facing Death

Death is one of those things we each react differently to. At least our own death is, in all respects we react differently to the thought of it, when it actually happens every one of us dies, same as what everyone else does. Facing death can bring about all kinds of feelings, feelings of adrenaline, the thrill of staying alive, and the all out knowledge that you are alive, and mortal, that you can and will die, but not yet. At least that’s what it’s like when we go chasing it, in car chases, or thrill seeking bungy jumps. But when we go looking for it, with the hope that it will end all the bad things in our life, all our troubles temporary or permanent, in reality or in our own perception, it feels different. What seems to be more shocking is when we see those closest to us seeking this escape. Their lives often seem so much more important to us than our own do. And facing their death seems so much more difficult, after all, at the event of our own, we will be dead.

Unexpected Change

A change of any sort can leave us reeling, even an expected positive one. Like when we move out of a dodgy aria into a nicer one, we still miss our friends and find ourselves trying to adjust to a new view of the world. Or even smaller changes, like the change of venue of a local hang out, even though we expect it, it takes some adjusting to. But what really rocks us is the unexpected change, the sudden shock, the (sometimes late) realization just that things are different now, right now, with no time to prepare for it. Suddenly we find that a loved one has passed, and we will never see them again, and weather we realize what that means straight away or not the grief of it grips us so much tighter than when an elderly or long sick loved one passes away. But this sudden shock, this change of the world can happen the other way too, one moment we feel alone and unwanted in this universe, like no one could ever love us, and there is no one we could trust to try and love ourselves the next we meet someone who seems special, who seems so different, who seems just perfect, and our world is turned on its head, joy is something we not only recognize but are filled with. And whether it happens all at once or grows over time, we realize that love is so much the stronger when find it unexpectedly, after we had no hope of ever having some ourselves, only to find ourselves overflowing with it.

Ending Relationships

Even the most destructive relationships, that need to be ended, do not end well, it still seems like a funeral, we say goodbye, and think of all the times we shared, even though we have been scared, saying goodbye is still painful. When we have had a long friendship of some sort, everything, every place, every act, every piece in time seems to relate to the person we no longer see in some way. We know that what’s happening is for the best, it’s just that we don’t want to deal with the transitional period. We want to go from having them play a great role in our life, to feeling as though they never existed or we never met. We wish to leave them behind, without leaving a hole where they once were. Yet we can not do this. We can not change the past. But if we could, would we? Would we go back, and live without this terrorizing relationship? How would that change our world? If we never had to deal with the hardship, would we appreciate what we have? Would we feel the same about new, better relationships? Would we even be in them? And would it be worth it, or has this path, through destruction and grief been worth it, have we landed where we want to? If we could take it all back, take back all the bad, but it also take back all the grand, could we?

Feeling Safe

Studies have shown that the people living directly under a volcano are on average less worried about that volcano exploding than the people who live further away but still in the danger zone. What keeps them feeling safe is partly that there is no cause to worry, as if it ever does happen it will already be too late and they will be dead. And partly that, if they were more worried about it they would have moved and would not be in that section of the survey. What keeps most of us feeling safe (the ones that live in the suburbs surrounding the city.) is that we don’t know what is going on around us unless we know people directly involved in it. That is to say, if we listened to police radio, we would hear of some sort of disturbance within 3 blocks of our house within the hour. But we don’t know about it, even though it’s so close to home, unless it is us, or a friend, that is involved. What makes us feel really safe, is that we hear the occasional horror story on the news, some close by, this reassures us that we do hear what is happening and although it’s horrifying, it makes us feel that that is all that is happening. It makes us feel safe, although we may not be. But this is not necessarily a bad thing, because like the people under the volcano, when things erupt, there won’t be time to prepare anyway. There is no need to worry, we are not as safe as we think, but we need not think that we are any less safe than we ever were before, and nothing has happened to us yet.

Understanding

Oh, how we long to be understood. In this complicated and confusing world, this seems to be a plight worthy of Shakespeare, the poetic tragedy of each individual and their unique struggle to find a mind, akin to their own, someone who can hold them when they are upset. Who knows when to ask what’s wrong, and when to act as the shoulder to cry upon. Someone who is nice and not at all creepy, someone who can understand when we are just too sleepy. Someone who know how too kiss, but no one could do all of this. How would we be, if we had to be perfect, we know the pain of not knowing what is wrong, we would if we could fix all that is wrong, but we are only human, if we find what we are looking for, it couldn’t be us, we would run scared, we would not understand, “how could they know all of this?” it would not feel right. How could we ever be understood, when we do not understand, and when we are not willing to explain. How can we be expected to understand what we could not know? We feel when something is not right, but to know what to do with that feeling, even only on the odd occasion, is something utterly amazing.

Happiness

Happiness is on of those things we long to obtain so very much. We spend endless amounts of time looking for it, and usually find it unexpectedly. Even as we grow up our parents often seem so much more interested in our happiness than our other aspects, with questions like “how was your day?” or “how are your friends?” because friends are one of the main aspects of happiness during our schooling time. And we all know that school is the first step in our life, we have heard that line over and over during those pain filled years, the one that goes “you have to study hard so you can get good marks, get a good job and have a good life.” Some of the time we just believed that. But for much of the time we realize that we would rather just fall in love, and make enough money and have enough time to have a barbeque or go fishing with some mates, enjoying a happiness that is far from consistent but is well worth the struggle. After all when we settle into that beer at the local, or come home to our loving family and we are asked “How was your day?” we aren’t going to reply “It was fantastic, I worked a bunch of overtime, got plenty of money, and lined up some more work for the weekend.” we will know we are happy, at least for the moment and reply “It’s going great now that I’m here.”

Cups and Mugs

We are engulfed in rituals, routines and procedures many of which are pointless, from such an early age, that we come to accept them, rarely questioning their importance or use. One great example of this is the use of cups and mugs. We have a glass of orange juice, a cup of cordial, and a mug with tea or coffee. Plastic cups for kids who drop glasses, but glasses are cups. And when it comes to the consumption of liquid, it doesn’t matter what we drink it out of, yet when we heat up the kettle we reach for a mug, and when we pull it from the fridge we reach for a cup. The cups and mugs are usually the same temperature. They each also have positions in which you can drink them, we can walk talk and casually sip from our cups, but we can hunch over our mugs, holding them in two hands breathing in the vapors as though they warm our spirit through a cold low mood. Juice in a mug, even a portable one, seems somehow silly, as does tea or coffee in a glass. We can walk with our tea or coffee but we pause to drink, we can sit and relax or refresh with our juice but we hold it with one hand and give it no praise. But we seem to have stopped asking ourselves ‘Why’ don’t we drink juice from a mug, simply because ‘we never have, it’s always been this way.’

Breakfast

We are always being told what to eat. (to get healthy – eat fruit and veg, to loose weight – eat less, to increase memory – eat fish, to get curly hair – eat your crusts, to feel better – eat chocolate (although fruit is more effective.)) And how important breakfast is, apparently it is the most important meal of the day, we should have whatever type of cereal or toast that is being advertised with a glass of fruit juice or actual fruit. It will help us concentrate, get up and ready to go, and have energy for the day. So when we skip breakfast and have a coffee instead, we know that’s why we are running out of energy by the first smoko. But what to have for breakfast when the day is half over? Is it still breakfast when we have it at midday, (McDonalds serves it until 11.) what about after that thought ‘Today is not going well, I want to start it again.’ Does the day go better when it restarts with a ‘good’ breakfast even though there is no real need to eat again. But naturally all these questions about second breakfast are only there as a distraction from the question its all about, ‘How much can repeating the morning ritual (at whatever time of the day it is) actually fix a ruined day?’

The Truth

In the last ‘episode’ (episode used as in psychotic rather than as serial) there were some Facts that some people may have found disturbing. All apologies for reality, but that’s the way it is. There are of course circumstances in which we do not want to know the truth, we say we do because we feel anxious like we are worrying too much thinking about what it could be, but really if we knew we would wish that we did not. For example we know that most people will not help people in need if there is discomfort in it for them. We deny this, but we do know it. (‘How many times has someone screamed in agony and got no response although they were perfectly within earshot of people?’) It’s been tested (by agonizing teens over and over again.) Then there is the question of “What happened?” and while we feel we must know what has caused someone who is obviously suffering such discomfort, and feel it may be good to get it off their chest, we do not feel comfortable as listeners to stories of attempted suicide in those we care about, nor would many of us feel comfortable talking about sexual abuse with a pre-teen who is talking about their own experience. Do we really need to know the truth, do we even actually want to?

Good Guy, Bad Guy

From the time we are tiny all forms of popular media tell us that there are good guys and bad guys, TV, comics, movies, books, fairy tales even games, (the influence is so strong that we sometimes feel uneasy around people who ‘look’ like ‘bad guys’) from jack and the beanstalks - Jack vs. Giant, wizard of OZ – Dorothy vs. The Wicked Witch of the west, batman and robin – batman vs. the riddler, superman – superman vs. Lex Luther, cops and robbers – cops vs. robbers, right up to the news where we see flicks of murderers, arsonists, police, ambos and drug dealers, prompting us to teach our kids “Stranger Danger” (News Flash for the Happily Ignorant:) We know most first time drug users get drugs from friends or siblings and the majority of the violence is domestic and that most pedophiles are trusted people we know well, if not even family members. But of course we have already decided that these perpetrators are the ‘good guys’ and ‘good guys’ just don’t do that.

Underwear

In Primary school when we did sex education, (the subject in which they tell you that sex makes babies and that girls will get there periods while boys voices will change.) we were told to always, “change your underwear every day.”
Of course we all went “no dah, that’s so Gross.” But that was while we still had mum washing our clothes. After about a week of barely getting out of bed unless it was needed, (or late and slow when it is needed) of just scraping through life doing the bare minimum, (eat food, stare at wall, call in sick, stare at table, lie in bed, stare at ceiling) clean underwear starts to run short. Sitting on the toilet staring at worn underwear somehow makes those words from primary school come to mind. And the fresh thought “So does that mean that I should free ball it??”